After A Very Long Pause

After a very long pause...
After I hold my own self to write something.
I finally have another courage to push myself to write something(which I don't really know, where does it come from).
I really have to write things down more and more.
Because lately I tend to be more and more offensive to others.
This tongue just getting more and more sharp.
Not only my tongue, my word in the virtual world also tend to be more bitter rather than just a word about something.
I find my update status, my tweet and my prol ... offend a person or maybe a lot of persons.
And when I look back, the word did not came out just like changing clothes.
I always did it in purpose.
I think really deep about any words that came from my fingers.

And that is terrible, because it affected my daily words.
I became a very offensive person.
Well, I think it is good for me to be an outspoken person. To be someone that always speak their mind. The only problem is if that I came the word out with rude word plua a lil' attitude.
I really do have that ability to make people uncomfortable by my existence.
I have that sharp look with the eye and cocky face.
God, I can't helped it.
I do try to smile always, like all the time.
It's just can't happen so easily.

And these days, I thought that maybe, one of the reason that I become more and more offensive with my word is because I stop my personal therapy so suddenly.
I stop writing, because I think I'm getting better and better, maintaining my emotions.

In some way of my life, I have to say yes.
Considering that I have to work in a very crowded environment.
I have to met a lot of character and kind of person.
At first, I kinda confuse.
Is it just me, or everybody ever feel the same way?
Is living with a lot of kind of people is always like this?
I love what I do.
I really really do.
It is just because, I can't stand to put an electric bomb in my head and turn the detonator on.

Really, everything around is really confusing.
I'm confused, and that lead me to become inconvenience with the environment, and later, I feel uncomfortable with my won self.
God, wonder why the feeling of living this life with another people would feel like this.

I feel like I can't control my emotions during the day.
And what I do is escape to the bathroom.

It is funny.

Bathroom is always being a very supportive spot in my life.
Not to mention when I have to deal with 'everyday tears' few years back.
I always go to the bathroom every time I feel devastated and sick.
Indeed, bathroom is a chamber full of psychotherapy.

The lack from everything around is that I cannot always write down my emotions every single time I get emotional.
It's like no time for myself.
Always have to taking care of others problem.

I think I'm just tired.
It's time for me to start really think about my feelings.
And writing it down